Extreme Dating 2006

(Disclaimer: To my church going friends….I am in no way trying to make fun of ANY religion or what you may believe in. I’m simply stating what has happened in my life this week which has involved God, church, and of course making sarcastic comments because that’s all I know how to do in times of stress. Please don’t be offended, I am still a good person who also has her own spiritual beliefs and respects yours just the same. Thank you….now onto the sarcastic comments…)

I’m sorry to those who “live” for my blog (as I have been told…totally not trying to sound conceded) on not updating it sooner. Yes I have been busy…no I haven’t been saved. I don’t think there is enough religion in the world for me to be saved.

OH THE WEEK I’VE HAD! I can’t even make this shit up. Seriously, it’s insane! My mom is salivating at my every word for the fact that she knows she’s going to get a good laugh. One thing about being single and dating…you always have a story to tell!

Ok, so first thing first. Bible study. Yeah, not so sure this group is for me. The bible study I went to with hottie nurse wasn’t actually that bad, however I got roped into another bible study by another member of the church for the next week. She said that all the ladies were going to get together to talk about love. Hmmm, interesting. She said that there would be single and married women and we were just going to have a discussion on the topic. Alright, I’m down for talking about love and relationships and trying to find out what you want out in a partner and yourself etc. Bring it on! First before I go into a house full of women I’ve only met once, I drag my friend along with me…I’m so nice. So here we are, the 27 year old who’s been divorced, and the 25 year old who just broke up with her boyfriend because he was cheating. The perfect pair to talk about love….the irony I know. We start by introducing everyone. Great, went in a huge circle and told our names and if we had ever been in love and if we were currently in love. I wanted to plead the 5th…but probably not the best answer with this group. After we make the rounds and I can’t remember anyone’s name the host tells us she has a guest speaker. What? I thought we were all going to talk not listen to someone for an hour. Whatever, I will reserve judgment. So we are introduced to “Rebecca” who looks like she’s about 25, MAYBE 26 and has been married…get this…all of 8 months. HA! Ok reserved judgment is dwindling now.

Well “Rebecca” starts talking about how she first met her now husband in college during church. They became really good friends and that was it. Then after 2 years…seriously it took her this long…she found she had feelings for him, but she didn’t want to tell him because she didn’t want to ruin the friendship. Ok, I can understand that. Finally they both told each other how they felt and realized they both had feelings for each other…go figure. So they decided to date. This isn’t the dating you or I might think of, oh no! This is religion based dating…a whole different thing. They actually came up with rules for when they were dating. There were a lot of them but the ones that stuck out in my mind were “no kissing until they were engaged”…umm excuse me? What? Did I hear that right or did I accidentally fall asleep and dream that you just said that? Really? Until you’re engaged? What the H-E-double hockey sticks did you just say? Then what is the point of dating…that’s the best part…or at least one of the best parts.

Ok onto rule number 2. No talking about the future such as where you want to live and how many kids you want and “fantasizing” about how life will be if and when you do get engaged. WHAT?! Ok, let’s bury our heads in the sand…but not close enough together where we might kiss…and not talk about what we actually want in the future so that when we do get engaged and married and I find out that you DIDN’T want kids…that’s when we’ll figure it out…yeah. Not so much into that one either.

Rule #3…No being alone together after 11:00 because your emotions may get to be too much….such as they might say something they regret because they were tired and not choosing their words carefully…or their clothes might come off and they could accidentally have sex. Either way it’s bad.

Rule #4…Crap, there were too many and to be honest I stopped listening at this point. It also didn’t help that my friend kept poking me in the side every time she wanted to laugh…causing me to try and meditate so that I could focus on something besides not trying to laugh with her.

After the rules were discussed that “Rebecca” and her husband had for when they were dating she then went on to discuss that she had a list of what qualities she wanted her perfect man to have and she prayed a lot and God answered her and sent her the man who was able to check all of those qualities off on that list. Ok, maybe I’m just being a little too cynical but I would think God has a lot on his plate right now with say war, world hunger, and an aids epidemic…I would think “Rebecca’s” wish list of man qualities would probably need to take a back burner. But I’m not Jesus so I have no idea.

Well the talk is over…thank you Jesus….my friend and I are out of there. Conversation in the car ride home as follows:
Mags: Was that real?
Sierra: Ummm, I think so….what in the hell was that?
Mags: I think it was a cult.
Sierra: What in the hell did I just listen to for an hour? Was she really trying to tell me that if I pray enough God will send me the perfect man? Really…that’s all you have to do? Well I’ll just sit back and start praying…maybe even light a candle.
Mags: Who was that girl?
Sierra: Someone who’s only been married 8 months and still in the newlywed stage…I wish them well and really hope it works out…but seriously, wait until Mr. Perfect leaves his dishes on the coffee table for 3 days.
Mags: Wait until he cheats on her!
Sierra: Ouch! Ok, I’ll let that one slide because you’re new to this whole thing, however when she’s been working 8 hour days and so has he, somehow the house still needs to be cleaned…we’ll see how God handles that situation for them. Maybe if they pray hard enough God will send them a housekeeper.
Mags: I still think it was a cult.
Sierra: I need a drink.

So bible study and “discussing” love with the oh so knowledgeable gal who had much life and married experience. Yeah…I really don’t have the creative power to make this up.

Ok, so hottie nurse and I have gone out a few times. Granted only twice by ourselves the other few times with a group of people…and yes they are church people…not that there is anything wrong with this. He has invited me to go to Santa Cruz for Memorial Day. Hottie nurse offers to meet me at work and drive me, however I opt out because he’s already taking 3 other people in his car and I don’t want to be smooshed in-between 2 people I don’t know, and I also want to drive myself in case the church goers start handing out pamphlets on Jesus and how to be saved to the crowds of scantily clad people in barely there swimsuits…otherwise known as sinners. (I am so going to hell for even writing this…I know. I’ve come to terms with it, plus I think God has a sense of humor…at least I hope.) So we go to the beach and we hang out on the sand and listen to music and talk a little and just relax. Oh wait…and considering I am the whitest white girl there is…burn like crazy. I am now that ever so lovely shade of scarlet which seems to be what I turn every summer. The next day I get to work and am drilled by the whole rehab department wondering if we’re “together” or not. They kindly refer to him as my “boyfriend”. Well according to “Rebecca’s rules” we’re practically engaged considering we haven’t even gotten to the stage where he holds my hand. At the rate we’re going I think we might get to that point in about 6.5 years. I’ve heard he’s REALLY shy…no kidding, but I don’t think there is any amount of praying I can do at this point to have him make some sort of move…even if it was just saying “I like you more than a friend”. So maybe this is a test from God, or a sick joke from the devil himself…but whatever. I’m just going with the flow on this one. Next comes the total other end of the spectrum.

Another guy I work with “soon to be nurse” or “STBN” for short, is someone who I’ve considered a friend since I first got here. We have talked at work and joked around but that’s it. I’ve considered him a work friend…nothing more. Well a few weeks ago we decided to go get a drink after work. Nothing major…just a drink and we just talked about work and other nonsense you usually talk about with friends. At this point I’m still not thinking too much into it…it’s just “STBN”, my friend. A few days later he comes over and we watch basketball. No biggie, just two friends hanging out. Then…the conversation turns.
STBN: Why don’t you have a boyfriend?
Sierra: Uhhhh, if I knew that I would probably have one? (Internal thoughts: what the hell? Where did that come from?)STBN: Are you looking for one or are you happy being single?
Sierra: (CRAP! This is weird!) Well I’m happy being single but yeah, I guess when you’re single you’re always looking.
STBN: What is your type?
Sierra: (Can’t I just watch basketball?) My type…don’t really have a “type”, but I know what I don’t like.
STBN: Ok, so what do you look for and what do you not want?Sierra: I continue to tell him…which I will spare posting on the internet because obviously I’m so worried about sharing everything about my life! HA!
STBN: Well I know someone who has those qualities!
Sierra: Really? How about that! (Trying to not make this situation weird, however I think it’s already gone there).

STBN leaves and when we see each other at work we’re cool…but then the conversation turns again.
STBN: So you’re still alone?
Sierra: Yup, nothing has changed in the 2 weeks since you’ve seen me last.
STBN: I think you have gotten used to being single and you like it.
Sierra: I guess…I don’t really know. When something happens it will just happen.
End scene…conversation over until he calls me that night….freakin drama I swear!

STBN: So when do we move this to the next step?
Sierra: What? (come again)
STBN: When do we take this to the next step?
Sierra: Ummm, I guess we could be friends that hang out more.
STBN: We’ve been hanging out.
Sierra: Twice! I only see you at work, so I would think that we could maybe hang out more outside of work and see where it goes.
STBN: For how long?
Sierra: WHAT?! I don’t know…until we’re ready for the next step if that’s where we both want it to go….I can’t give you a specific date. (Where is Rebecca and her rules when I need them?!).
STBN: Ok, then we’ll start hanging out more.
Sierra: Ok, that sounds good.

Ok, so I’ve got one guy waiting for God to give him a sign that it’s ok to actually ask me out on a for real date and maybe hold my hand and God forbid kiss me. Then in the other corner I’ve got a guy that’s practically ready to meet the parents and set a wedding date. I’m in the freaking dating twilight zone! It’s extreme dating to every extent of the word. From one extreme to the other! Maybe I’ll pray for an answer as to which direction I’m supposed to go…or not.