So it would seem lately that when a woman calls for an appointment for an annual physical, you don’t get what you’re looking for. This is the second time that I’ve called a new doctor, explained I’m a new patient and that I need to come in for my annual. Now for those of you who don’t know (mostly men) what the word “annual” means for a woman who goes to the doctor, it would consist of a the fun adventure of a pap smear. The word smear should give it away that it isn’t a pleasant experience. You get to go into a freezing cold room, wear a paper gown, then when the doctor comes in you lay down on the oh so comfortable table that is covered with a thin paper sheet the rips every time you move, put your legs up in stirrups, spread em’, while the doctor goes where only a few have gone before (we hope) to examine your insides which is very, very, very uncomfortable. It’s great. Now that you’ve got the picture, I will continue on.
I made an appointment a few weeks ago to see a new doctor since I’m new in town. I am told that on the first visit she doesn’t do pap smears but she will conduct the rest of the physical. This my friends (sorry, sounded a little like McCain, but I guarantee he wouldn’t be talking about pap smears) is a load of crap. It’s basically a way for doctors to make more money to have you come in 2 times to collect twice the amount for a co-pay and to bill for another office visit. I don’t agree with this at all and think that this is part of the reason health care in this country is shit. But I will get off my soap box now and move on to the humorous side of things.
I arrive at my doctor’s office and check in with all of my pre-filled out paper work with my medical history and then wait in the waiting area for 15 minutes while the TV is stuck on Fox news. I’m already annoyed that I’m waiting 15 minutes since I arrived early to get my paperwork in on time and my appointment was to start 15 minutes ago, but the fact that I’m watching political crap on Fox news is almost as bad as a pap smear, actually I think it is worse.
I finally get called back and get my weight taken (good times), my blood pressure, and talk to the nurse for a few before the doctor comes in. She asks me the standard doctor questions (anything wrong that should be right, kind of stuff) and then she starts telling me why she doesn’t do the pap smear on the first visit. Evidently she likes to meet the patient first so that she can meet face to face and get to know the patient and medical history etc before the patient has to practically be naked in front of her while she sticks her face near my hoo-ha. This is supposed to somehow make me feel more comfortable that I’ve met her once. As she’s telling me this she listens to my lungs, my heart, and then proceeds to unhook my bra and feel my boobs. This is not a porno, this is a breast exam in the hopes that there are no abnormal lumps. There are no abnormal bumps but as I’m being felt up by my doctor a thought pops into my head…”so basically she won’t make me feel uncomfortable by doing a pap smear on the first visit, but she can smoosh my boobs around like an awkward teenage boy and this somehow won’t make me feel uncomfortable?” I don’t get it, actually I do get it…I have to pay each time I want to be felt up.
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6 comments:
Hi Sierra! Try this the next time something like this happens. I can understand why you think I would want to meet you before you give me my pap smear, and that I would be more comfortable. However, that is not the case and I want the pap smear today! I bet you get what you want. Saying clearly your needs, after acknowledging the other person, works beautifully in many situations. We had a sign where I used to work that read something like this: I understand why you would leave your dirty dishes in the sink if you thought someone would wash them for you, however, that is not the case. Amazingly, after putting up the sign, we all cleaned our dishes, and put them away, willingly.
Hmmmm...pap smear vs. dirty dishes. Sounds like the need was stated clearly when she requested an annual exam. I mean, who makes an appointment for their annual and then says, "and does this include a pap smear?" The answer: NO ONE. The "your mother doesn't work here, do your own dishes" example doesn't work for me. Ask for your money back Sierra! Greedy bastards!
YEAH!!
That was one of the funniest blog entries I've ever read. You are hiliarious. Can I buy your first book? (I read it to my husband and he was laughing so hard ... I sure hope he didn't pee in the bed!!) *** Hey, I know exactly what you mean. But if you vote for me, I'll be sure that everyone gets free Pap Smears, even the men!!
Sierra!! That was one of the funniest blog entries I've ever read. You are hiliarious. Can I buy your first book? (I read it to my husband and he was laughing so hard ... I sure hope he didn't pee in the bed!!) *** Hey, I know exactly what you mean. But if you vote for me, I'll be sure that everyone gets free Pap Smears, even the men!!
...or try this next time, wear a t-shirt that says, "I need a pap". I bet it would work, amazingly. I guess I'm still hung up on the fact that the first post felt you needed advice from reading your blog. You're a grown-ass woman that knows how to make a doctor's appointment. I suppose you could have acknowledged the physician as, well, a physician, but I bet the she already knew that. Keep writing, Girl! And I'll keep reading!
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