Dating 101

Ahhh…dating. I can honestly say that I think most of you look back on this time in your life and don’t have fond memories. Unless you were one of those people everyone wanted to date and every date you went on you had the best time of your life. However for me, I would rather poke a newly sharpened pencil in my eye and call it good. Dating is not fun, I repeat…not fun at all. So for those of you who are married or in serious relationships…which seems to be most of you…this is to give you something to read so that when you’re done you can sit back, smile, and say “God am I glad I’m not single and dating”.

So where do I start? Oh I know...the blind date. Oh the dreaded blind date. Normally most would be skeptical however I, the unknowing idiot that I am, will continue to say “yeah, sure whatever…give him my number”. Lord all mighty. Let me stop here and just say I will be changing names to protect the innocent as well as the guilty and also for those that read this and won’t really get that I’m talking about them. Ok back to the blind date. So my friend who is a banker…we’ll call her “T”, comes to me one day and says “my friend at work found you a boyfriend”. Ummm, excuse me what? I laugh, then start asking questions as any single 28 year old girl/woman would do. Evidently “T’s” friend at the bank has a regular customer and told him…and I quote…”I think I have someone I want you to meet”. I THINK…that makes me sound oh so great. Whatever, I’m single…so obviously I go with this whole thing. So I tell “T” to go ahead, give him my number…I’m leaving for California in 2 weeks anyway. So I get a call…its banker boy. We actually talk for about an hour…not something I normally do with practically anyone. I have a little background on him but not much so I ask questions. The basics, he is divorced (or rather getting divorced), has a 5 month old son (too much drama to go into here) and was in a horrible accident a few years back but through tons of rehab is fine. At least he knows what OT is. Thank God! I don’t have to explain my job this time. So with reluctance I agree to go to dinner. Dinner wasn’t bad, we talked…he likes to talk…think my mom x100. Yeah…mull that over for a minute. I find out that from his car accident he lost his sense of taste…WHAT?!?! That is the most horrible thing I can think of. Oh my God! I couldn’t live…granted I would be stick thin because I wouldn’t want to eat, but how would I get through cookie baking weekend at my moms, or Thanksgiving dinner, or homemade meals when I come home to visit the parents…CAKE…HOW WOULD I EAT CAKE?!?!? I finally calm myself down and move on to other topics. We talk about his son…not my ideal situation but who am I to be picky? Things seem pretty ok and then he says with a smile…”So we have something in common”…pause….more pausing…what? “We’re both divorced”. Well say it aint so! Of all things to have in common I am lucky enough to have this be our bond? What the hell? I could even go for…we both like the same movie, same band, have the same eye color for Gods sake but divorce? Like we both suffer from the same disease and so we don’t have to worry about telling each other. All in all, the dinner went fast…because as I mentioned he talks a lot. He walks me to my car and stands there with a huge smile on his face. He tells me he had a great time and would love to go out again and then stares at me. Ok dude, not kissing you on the first date. I have been known for moving fast at times but this time is a no go. He gives me a hug and tells me I’m “perfect”. Thanks for the compliment but I think I just got the creeps. I leave…and try to wipe the creepies off of me. A few days later “T” calls and asks if I had a good time. I tell her it went well, I don’t know if I would go out with him again but I’m not worried about it either…whatever that means. She asked if he seemed a little eager. “Yeah, why?” It seems banker boy called “T” at work and asked if I had a good time. She told him that she hadn’t talked to me and didn’t know. Ok, correct me if I’m wrong but I didn’t think I was in Junior High anymore and that I had to go through my best friend to find out if he likes me likes me, or just likes me. Eager…ya think? So needless to say I was not ready to be a wife, mommy, or in the baby mama drama that presented itself with banker boy. I wish you well banker boy, hang in there…there will be someone out there for you that is just as eager and wants kids, drama, and a guy that can’t taste her cooking!

So needless to say I was a little hesitant to go on another date. In fact I gave the next guy an out “I’m leaving for California in 5 days, so really if you don’t want to meet I totally understand and no worries”. However he didn’t bite…he wanted to meet me. Frick! So I get ready, grab my purse and meet for coffee. My ultimate first date tip: If you are meeting someone for the first time DON’T do dinner…coffee my friends. It will not only be short if you should need it to be, but you can get another cup to make it longer if you’re enjoying yourself, and you get caffeine so no matter how the date turns out you can stay up for hours calling all of your friends telling them how it went because you will be talking so fast and for so long you won’t care! Anyhoo I wasn’t really sure what to think going into this. I wasn’t nervous (I’ve gotten over that years ago) and just figured it will be a half hour and I will be gone. I arrive at the coffee shop/bookstore and see a man that looks to be the guy I’m supposed to meet in line. He turns to me and we realize…yup we’re here to meet each other. We will call him Cop Man…since he’s a cop, makes sense. I suppose I could call him Doughnut Man but just because he’s a cop doesn’t mean he eats doughnuts…and if he doesn’t then that name would totally not make ANY sense. So Cop Man and I grab our caffeine in a cup and sit. He tells me about his job…including the gory details. Now I think most women would find this really gross and wrong, especially on a date…a first date…however I work in the medical field and have seen it, heard it, smelled it, been splashed by it, watched it on TV, read about it, and pretty much find it fascinating. I know, I’m a total freak but it is so crazy! I tell him about my job…he gets it as opposed to asking if I find people jobs and then still doesn’t understand what I do no matter how many ways I try and explain it. We talk about our families, what we like to do, and all that crap you talk about on first dates. I find that he for the most part likes being a cop, owns his own home, and loves to cook. Points added on to this one! So the half hour date I was expecting turned into 31/2. It so figures that I meet a guy I would go out with again and who seems to also be interested 5 days before I leave. Again…FRICK! It ended with a hug and him telling me he is driving to L.A. this summer to visit some friends and maybe we can catch up for dinner as he’s passing through the Bay Area. Sure, whatever…I’ll see ya if you come by. Not really hoping for much here but he did email me and said he was trying to figure his vacation time soon and would let me know. Yup…ok….I will be standing by.

So I get to California and wonder what other prospects are out this way…well I am in Silicon Valley…home of computer geeks far and wide. Let me first start off by saying there is NOTHING wrong with a computer geek. Hell, they make money, are really smart, usually have stable jobs, and can be just as nerdy as I am. However there are a few classes of computer geeks…the ones that are so caught up in their nerdy computer ways that they don’t see the light of day…the ones that love computers and would rather see the inside of a computer rather than a girl naked…the ones that love computers and video games with pictures of naked girls on them…and the ones that work on computers and love their job but also have some social life, enough to give them some sort of sense of humor as well as be able to speak to a human being. I met the computer nerd/socially acceptable kind…thank God! We will call him Yahoo dude…because that’s where he works. So first date not too bad. We meet at a park and walk around for awhile talking and doing that first date/20 questions thing. We end up having dinner and having a good time. Seems nice, had a good time nothing much else to report. We went out again the next weekend and went to a movie and dinner…again nice, had fun, good times. Another date presented itself later that week and we ended up back at his place watched TV and ended up playing video games. And no that is not code for anything. Most of you know video games are not my favorite thing in the world but we found one I was willing to try for awhile…but only a short while because my idea of fun is not sitting in front of the TV and playing Wii for hours on end. But at least we didn’t have divorce in common so I will go with the video games this once. He’s a nice guy, we’ve had fun, but nothing much else has happened since. Either he is too busy working/playing video games/socializing or he’s not interested. Either way is fine with me…I’m too tired to date anymore!

So this is where I stand…still single, still loving it for the most part, and hating it when it comes to dating, and trying to figure out where the hell I’m going with all of this! Does anyone have a pencil and a sharpener?